Well, I’m glad you asked. In case you need a reminder, Spanx is that phenomenon of undergarment that provides support for a smoother look. Just like we might want some physical support from our undergarments, we also need support from our fellow humans.
Expanding on that (pun intended), how can we get the support we need in our life? We must share what is going on with us. People can’t and don’t know what we are going through, unless we tell them. I’m not saying you should spill your guts to everyone and anyone, oversharing isn’t healthy, but neither is keeping everything to yourself.
When we are feeling down, anxious, depressed, overwhelmed, or confused, our tendency is sometimes to retreat and isolate. Hole up and binge Netflix. And if you do this, you know you do this. There absolutely is lots of good in spending time alone and reconnecting with yourself. In fact, taking time to think, process, feel, grieve, whatever is going on with you, is super important, and that takes time alone.
If you’ve been reading this newsletter for a while, you know I promote taking space for yourself often. However, we should not cut ourselves off from the outside world entirely, either, from our support systems. We can and should be discerning with where we get the support, and who we share things with. Support looks different for everyone. Here are some ways to get support, besides Spanx:
- Friends
- Therapy
- Women’s group
- Coach
- Teacher or Mentor
- Meditation group
- Pet
- Doctor
- Colleagues
- Family
- Hobby group (book club, painting group, hiking club, etc.)
- Networking group
- Neighbor
- Spiritual community
- Massage therapist or other bodywork practitioner
- 988 is the Suicide and Crises hotline
- Community or non-profit organization
Obviously, what and how much you share with these different types of people will differ. Asking for help can be hard. And yes, we absolutely do need to ask for support sometimes. Sharing can be a bit easier, and you can do so without asking for anything. Sharing can feel vulnerable, especially if you aren’t used to it. However, you can bet that people will ask you how they can support you once they know.
I was in a new networking group recently where we all didn’t know each other very well at all, and one woman shared that she had just been diagnosed with cancer and would be having surgery soon. You can bet every single one of us asked how we can help support her, and meant it.
I was in a group myself recently, and was feeling pretty raw and fragile with something I was dealing with, and shared just a little with the group, and received so much love, compassion and care from them. They continue to reach out to check in.
Even though you may live alone, work alone, or just feel alone, know that connection is an important part of the human experience. We are wired for connection, and isolating can be a coping mechanism for anxiety or depression that may in the moment feel like what you want, but in reality, it disconnects you further. It can feel like going out of our comfort zone to share, or to ask, but it’s hard to get support if people don’t know what is happening with you. Share as much or as little as you want – you don’t need to spill your entire life story.
Also, people are connected to other people, and know about resources you may not. Maybe someone recommends a book, or a podcast, or a coach, or a medical professional. Utilize your network, share, ask and then receive. You ARE worthy to receive support and help from others. People love to give – allow them to. You can pay it forward, helping someone else in the future. Let’s support each other. No one every said this life was easy, or that we had to do it alone.
If you have repeatedly reached out to a friend who is ignoring you, nonresponsive or very slow to respond, or you haven’t heard from in quite a while, maybe it’s time to check in again, and see what’s up, if they are ok, what they might need. Everyone appreciates knowing that someone cares, and just by checking in, they know you do, and that can mean the world.